|
xander_aidan05-
My name is Rachel and I live in Illinois. My husband
is in the Air Force and we have 4 beautiful children together, two daughters (Arielle & Aislinn) and two sons (Tristan
& Xander). After our third child was born my husband decided to have a Vasectomy. I was against the idea as I didn't feel
like we were done having children but he went ahead with it saying "if we decide to have more , I'll just get it reversed."
Being naive at the time, neither of us had ANY idea how complicated and expensive a reversal actually was. My DH told the
vasectomy doctor to make it so if he decided to get it reversed it would be easy!! I personally think that this statement
should have made the doctor NOT perform a vasectomy on him but unfortunately it did not!
After about a year I told my DH that I was not happy about
the Vasectomy and that I wanted him to get it reversed. I told him that I felt we were meant to have another child, a son.
I even had him named......Xander. My other son, Tristan, was in Kindergarten at the time and he wrote in his journal one day
that he was going to have a brother someday and his name was going to be Xander. I had dreams about Xander.........about being
pregnant with a boy.
In March 2004, my DH had his reversal with Dr. Lawrence
Grey in Tampa Florida. I, of course thought, like the other three that I would get pregnant right away! My
DH had two SA's after the reversal and both stated a 0% for motility. I did, however buy a microscope and looked for
myself and could see that we DID have motility. It took 12 months after the reversal to get pregnant with Xander. On November
27, 2005, Xander Aidan was born!!!
I went through PLENTY of emotions, tears, and sadness
to get to the end when I finally knew that I would be holding my son. I will be forever grateful to Dr. Grey, and God,
for helping and allowing my beautiful little boy to be a part of my life.
I wrote this poem
during the 12 months that it took to conceive my little Xander :O) I wrote it because at the time it felt good writing my
emotions out on paper. A sort of release I guess. I'm glad that I did, now Xander can look at it one day and read how
SO VERY MUCH I LOVED and wanted him with every inch of my heart and soul.
 
A POEM FOR XANDER
A face
A dream
An angel calling to me in the night
I feel him
I know him
Even though he is still but a dream
A wish away from my arms.
A prayer
A hope
Does God hear my cries?
Does he care?
Does he know?
A mother's wish to hold her child
To fill the empty space within her heart
That only he can fill.
The sun rises
The sun sets
Time passes each month
So much time...........wasted.
My little angel
I see him through the eyes of my daughter
I see him through the eyes of my son
Longing to look into his own eyes.
A haunting spirit
Visiting me in dreams
Clouds form the shape of his face
................then slowly fade away.
Another day
Another tear
How can my heart go on breaking each month?
Only to heal and be broken again.
Will it ever end?
As each month my spirit sinks
...........if only for a day.
Then slowly rises to hope for another day
That this will be the month.
My mind
My heart
A peace that only he can bring
A longing for peace within my soul
Waiting for the day..................
A face
A dream
My son.
familybates-
My husband
and I have been married for 15 years. When I think of all we have been through in our life I’m amazed with what
we have accomplished and made it through. But after many years, I realize that each person has a story filled with challenges,
joys, sadness, and celebrations. We were married young (I was 19 and he was 21) and we were already pregnant with our
first. The truth is, we actually were having problems with this pregnancy and we weren’t sure what was to be.
The doctors thought that she wasn’t going to make it. (This is an entirely separate and long story—I’ll
stick with the VR) I’m happy to say that the doctors were wrong and I now have a very active, sassy (almost) 15
year old daughter as a result of that pregnancy. Our second child was born only two years later. We were overwhelmed
and working in very low paying positions at the time. To top it off, my DH had a daughter he was paying support for. This
caused a great strain on us financially, but still…we managed to trudge along. What does this have to do with a
VR you may be asking yourself? A LOT!! It’s because of our age, and comments made to us by those around us and our financial
difficulty at the time that we chose to have a vasectomy. We were sure we were through having children and felt as though
two was a good number given our circumstances. Well, we were too young and there was no counseling or anything….just
a snip here and a snip there and it was over. We never even thought twice about it. I’m not even sure when
we started longing for a child. I think it was probably about 7 years after the vasectomy. We just started realizing
how fast our children were growing and started talking about having a VR. By then I had gone to college and started working
as an accountant and he had improved his automotive skills and was working as a mechanic making more money as well.
Of course, we didn’t know there were specialists out there at the time so we started talking with doctors locally. Of
course the responses we received were pretty grim. “Likely not to be a success” they’d say. Of
course they were willing to try for about $10-$12 thousand dollars. We were like no way. It would be another 5
years before we would start getting serious again. We talked about donor and thought this might be our best bet because
we were likely to get pregnant and wouldn’t have the cost or the worry of success that comes with a VR. So, about
a year and a half ago, we did our fist donor insemination. It was a success!! Unfortunately it ended as an ectopic and
I was again devastated. We decided to try once more 3 months later and guess what? It worked also!! Only this
time it ended in M/C. I went through a terrible bout of depression thinking that God was trying to tell me something
and my husband and I finally opted for the VR. After researching again, but this time online, I found out there was a wealth
of knowledge and actual specialists out there that perform surgery. We were amazed with what we didn’t know. So,
we researched and ended up being led to Dr. Gatewood in Florida. It
was a wonderful experience and I believe we were brought to him for a reason. We have since had 4 SA’s and have
found that my DH has a problem with antibodies, poor morphology, and poor motility. I guess what can we expect of the
poor guys after being trapped inside for 12 years? It’s been almost a year since we had that surgery and I don’t
regret our decision for a minute. We knew what we were up against when we had it and I believe that our great return
of sperm is a sign that we are to succeed. I use to wonder why God wasn’t making this happen sooner and if he was
trying to tell us that we shouldn’t have more children for some reason. It was my younger brother (who’s been
the most supportive to us) that said to me, “Debbie, if God didn’t want you to have more children, why didn’t
he just give Brian a 0 return of sperm?” Do you know that was the first thing that I had heard in a long time that
made any sense!! Of course, that doesn’t mean that if you get a zero return that it’s what God wants. I think
my brother was just trying to show me that it wasn’t God trying to say don’t have more children. It’s
our self doubt that leads us to these thoughts. Someone recently also said it’s Satan. I believe we must remain
positive (even though this is tough for us all some days-and we’re entitled to those moments, but after that we must
pick ourselves up and move forward). We have now started seeking the help of a reproductive endocrinologist and have
our first appointment in just a few days. We will make our decision on how to move forward after that appointment. I
pray that we all will get our heart’s desire soon.
VR Baby DS-Bryce Devin born 4/23/2007
-Deb
|
